December 25, 2014
“Feminism has really been the Men’s Liberation Movement. It told men they didn’t need to take as much responsibility (for families) and many seem just fine with that.”
“Of course- I know that we are all under
financial and psychological attack–and realize both sexes have been
led astray. It’s just really frustrating when you find your nature under
attack over and over.”
from Oct 30, 2011
by S
(henrymakow.com)
S, is a 34 year-old woman who currently lives in Utah, USA.
Many of the men I encounter in the singles scene seem to want career women. They want someone who will help pay the bills and do everything else too–all while looking great.
It is not uncommon to have a guy ask you on the first date what you do for work and what your career plans are, and not ask you out again if you are not making very much or don’t seem ambitious.
Shockingly, I have found this scenario in my church congregation more commonly than with non-church going men. My experience is that some men “want it all” and as Pat Allen said, feminism has really been the Men’s Liberation Movement. It told men they didn’t need to take responsibility (for family) and many seem just fine with that.
Of course- I know that we are all under financial and psychological attack–and realize both sexes have been led astray. It’s just really frustrating when you find your nature under attack over and over. (I know this is true for both sexes).
I’m an INFJ personality type– which means I’m quite spiritual and insightful, which is why I read your website. Its been hard for me to find men that appreciate a girl that thinks and feels deeply.
My most serious relationship was with a musician. He ended up moving to NYC to pursue music and I didn’t think I could keep up with his lifestyle or the city. He also drank quite a bit. I have tended to attract addicted men — something I have had to watch out for. I attend Alanon (for family of alcoholics.)
I have medium-length dark hair, I’m 5’1 tall, and a curvy body type. I have a youthful appearance.
Maybe if I were more career oriented and competitive in society I would be okay. I was raised in a feminist family where I was told that I could be anything (in the work world) and to put relationships and marriage to the side.
Looking back, I see I was raised by women who were unhealthy and out of touch with themselves. Despite my family’s expectations for me, the jobs I have been able to do are cashier, customer service and working in health food stores.
My talents seem to lie in being easygoing and kind–values that aren’t really valued or paid well in the workforce. I’ve also had learning disabilities and emotional problems to deal with–from being raised in an abusive environment.
Bottom-line: I am a vulnerable woman, unfortunately more vulnerable than most. The women friends I have are also vulnerable women. Some of us have a disability that makes doing things like math and hard reasoning difficult, or they are more naturally feminine and less aggressive.
I have come to learn that feminism shames women for being vulnerable. I am currently not working because of nervous burnout and I can’t believe the guilt that’s been thrown at me, for trying to stop and take care of myself.
I am under a lot of pressure and criticism from others. For instance, when I go to a singles event and a guy is talking to me and finds out I don’t have a job right now, and then walks away or looks at me weird. In that case–I may know that he’s looking for someone to take care of him.
I am under incredible pressure– and just pray that God will help lead me to where I need to be and to a good relationship. I do desire to be married and in a Partnership with a man. To build a nice life together with a man, that is my desire.
I am a spiritual person and hope to find a man who is spiritual, masculine, and protective man. I want someone who enjoys being a man, and loves that I am a women. In the meantime, I work on myself to try and be a better person.
I’m learning to accept my vulnerability as a woman, and to look for men who want to be protective and nurturing. I am learning to watch how a man responds to me and other women who are vulnerable and am finding myself attracted to generous, nurturing and protective males.
I am considering much older men for partners–because I know I need a man who wants to give, protect and cherish. I am looking for a man whom I can respect and give him back love, respect and attention.
So, Henry, thanks for suggesting men look at less competitive and feminine women in their own communities. I fall under that umbrella. Many of us less competitive women think there is something wrong with us and stack up our lack of financial success as another reason we should feel bad about ourselves–given the big media “Sex and the City” ideal that is set out before us.
But really the women I know are still looking for a man we can look up to and respect–and be a hero in our eyes,( that’s FEMININE women who are looking for a MASCULINE men ). Like in that song “I need a hero” by Bonnie Tyler.
I can offer a man love, loyalty, virtue, desire for growth and respect and a comfortable home life. I like to cook, clean and keep a house. I’d like to have kids. I’m also quite creative and would like to contribute that talent towards any endeavors he may have going on
As Dr. Pat Allen says: Man’s greatest psychic desire is to be respected for his thinking. And woman’s greatest psychic desire is to be cherished for her feelings. When a man is respected, he feels cherished and that cherishing overflows over onto the women who is respecting him. And I believe that is a recipe for love.
I also learned a lot from watching christy0misty’s you tube videos on “Feminism”.
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Related – Men Aren’t Refusing to Man Up; They’re Dropping Out
Comments for “Men Prefer Career Women, says Homemaker “
Michael H said (December 27, 2014):
Out of 20+ odd paragraphs, the first word is a personal pronoun – I, me, etc. She should take an introspective look to understand why she is failing in relationships. She’s absorbed with herself and wrote an advertisement rather than an article. The points are well taken but relationships are 50/50 and to have a successful one, you need to give as well. Thirty years of marriage to one woman has taught me this.
James C said (December 27, 2014):
Thanks for the current post from the 31 year old lady. Being a male on the other side of the equation I do understand her plight, but I think she has more in common with the bulk of society than she realizes.
One, she says she came from an abusive home, whether emotionally abusive or physical this is her unresolved childhood coming to haunt her, as it does most of us. The symptom for her is being burnt out today, but this unfortunately is not the best time for her to have a man rescue her. How can a burnt out woman raise children properly? She needs to re-nurture that abused inner child, friends and maybe even family can help her with that – or therapists
Two, the dating scene is probably out of the question for most sane individuals these days anyway. Men are increasingly opting out of it since divorce laws have made commitment nearly a futile effort. The men she describes who don’t like the fact she is not working don’t believe she has anything to offer, since feminism encourages the wife to leave the family as soon as possible anyway.
In a word, she needs some kind of therapy to heal herself, then to look for a man with traditional values.
C said (October 31, 2011):
So, in reply to S…Men should find themselves a teller or a cashier or receptionist….someone who doesn’t know any better? Some entry level flunky. Kind of like that song in the 50s or 60s:”If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife, cause from a personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you.” I have one of these jobs, and I’m damn glad to have it. They’re good to me and I can almost eek out a decent living. I also make short films, write and have various other interests. You cannot tell me that men are attracted to anxious puppy dogs that remain perched at the door (or by phone) waiting for the someone to throw the stick. Passionate people are attractive people, male or female. We look at one another and long to see something written there, no one wants a blank slate.
Jo said (October 31, 2011):
Western society is based around the question “What do you do?” Because of feminism, women are expected to have an answer to that question too. I have found that most guys want someone who’s going to be true partner. When my husband and I got married, we weren’t planning to have children right away and he expected me to work so we could pay off our bills and debt – for “the team”. Then, as we decided to have kids, we moved towards an economic situation where we could be supported on just his income. We’ve made a lot of sacrifices to make that happen, but we do it according to the plans that we made “together”.
The problem is that marriage isn’t seen as a partnership anymore. It’s not about “the team” and making sacrifices for each other. ..
Having skills is important and I can see where a guy would be turned off because if something happened to him, he’d want security in knowing that you are going to be a true partner. A guy doesn’t want until a crisis to find out the true character of his woman. And, if you have the “issues” that you say you do, then I’d find a counselor and work through them because most the guys don’t want to deal with “drama” – even if the girl’s hot. Get yourself together and the guy will come. That’s what happened w/all the successful marriages I know.
Debra said (October 30, 2011):
As a lady, it is not my place to tell men what to do, but to sisters I am allowed to suggest my ideas. I suggest avoid wearing beautifying make-up; begin to wear clothes men ought not wear: dresses. Not the kind of dresses accentuating a physical you, necessarily, but a kind that says you’re a lady. Even jewelry is cumbersome, enhancing itself rather than enhancing gracefulness of the wearer. In public the first impression should not be for a beautiful dress or body, but rather “here is a Lady.”
The Different Effects of Nature and Grace:-
http://jahtruth.net/natgra.htm
A loving and obedient wife is a treasure of great price, and not to provoke men to do them harm by being independent, disrespectful and haughty.
These are dangerous times, so, pray to God, and patiently (peacefully) listen and wait for a partner who would be your lifetime mate through storms and Spring, whilst helping each other and others.
The Battle of the Sexes? -
http://shelteringcedar.wordpress.com/2011/09/01/the-battle-of-the-sexes/
Ed Smith said (October 30, 2011):
Hey Henry, I hope your doing well. Just read S’s article about feminine women. From a male perspective, women tend to be very vulnerable, no matter how feminine or feminist they happen to be. I was taught in school and in pop culture that anything I can do a women can do better.
Yet, in the work place, most women get to have a schedule that revolves around their social life. They hardly are ever tasked with half as much work or responsibility as me. And even though they don’t have to do half the work that I do, they still ALWAYS use my own perfectly natural instincts against me to get me to do most of their work for them.
So in effect, I’m doing all my work and at least half of theirs as well; and this is the kicker, we all get paid the same. Can you understand the natural bitterness that develops as a consequence of the practice. On both sides I might add. Both men and women have been completely lied to as to the true nature of both sexes.
EJ said (October 30, 2011):
Wow, S sure turned out to be a catalyst for other opinions and judgments [see below]. Steve’s bitterness is obvious and Samantha’s judgment is just what S was talking about. Lorna talks about her own dysfunctional choice as if all are making them.
What seems to be missing here is the bigger picture. As many know, the Rockefeller led “feminist” movement’s goal was to get women out of the house and get access to the children through mind-control TV shows, pedophile-filled CPS, etc. Guess they succeeded hey?
Prior to the male-dominated, sociopathic secret societies with hidden agendas, men and women had for thousands of years shared an egalitarian relationship (no leaders with equal power.) Men had “men’s” tasks and women had theirs, not out control issues but out of logical work force needs.
I think S sounds very healthy and attractive in many ways. She would be a wonderful mate in a more rural atmosphere where city (urban) driven machinations, desires, values, etc. are less prevalent, which are of course the agendas of the NWO…two incomes equal more money to go after in taxes, material possession addictions, etc.
In our No. AZ high desert community women *are* respected for their feminine talents and inclinations towards being peace makers and nurturers and men have the honorable skills of muscle work and mechanical talent.
The “bigger picture”…men and women aren’t equal in talent and abilities and that is OK because each is respected for their gifts from Spirit.
Steve said (October 30, 2011):
There are two reasons why men won’t date women who are unemployed or poor. The first is that some women who are unemployed or poor will deliberately marry a man with the intention of divorcing him soon so they can get half of everything he has and support payments to boot, and thereby improve their financial situation, often dramatically so.
Some women find that it’s easier to take the route I describe than it is to work for a living. And in spite of all that, they are prone to repeatedly blaming men and society for their predicament
while harping on about how women are fully liberated, independent, and strong. Their overweening hypocrisy beggars belief. Indeed, it’s always nothing short of amazing to see how sympathetic and overgenerous divorce courts are towards such irresponsible and parasitic women. In short, the risk-reward ratio for men contemplating marriage has gotten so badly skewed that marriage now only offers risks and no rewards. The scary thing is that some of the risks involve consequences that can last a lifetime if their prospective wives ever decide to cash in and they find a sympathetic judge in the divorce courts.
The second reason why men won’t date unemployed or poor women is that there was once a time when a single salary could pay the mortgage, and all the household expenses too – and there would still be lots left over for other things. Those days are long gone. The vast majority of men, if they’re lucky enough to be working at all these days, simply don’t make enough to carry that kind of load.
On the one hand, giving half the jobs to women has reduced the risk of any woman and her children becoming impoverished if a divorce should happen – and mitigated some of the consequences that flow from such an event. On the other hand, it has effectively cut the average man’s salary in half and impoverished him to a degree while increasing corporate profits and tax revenues.
Clearly, the radical feminists who clamored for this arrangement in the name of ‘equality’ and ‘social justice’ weren’t really champions of women’s rights, but stalking horses for the elites.
Samantha said (October 30, 2011):
I think it is very telling that “S” an allegedly 34-year-old woman, refers to herself as “a girl”. It is difficult for me to understand or comprehend someone who is not working because of “nervous burnout” from a low level, low stress, low pay job. How is this possible? Does she have leukemia or a tumor of some sort?
A 34-year-old with burn out, no family to take care of and she can’t work? WOW. I would suggest that “S” has a whole lot of excuses for why her life is not to her liking…but I do not see any indication that she has given 3 seconds thought of how SHE created this life and how only she can change it.
She says she is looking for an older man to take care of her. SERIOUSLY? At 34, I would think she would be a bit long in the tooth to attract a wealthy older man. It seems that what she really wants is someone to take care of her, thus relinquishing all responsibility to take care of herself.
Her experience may be different, but mine is that the handsome prince on the white horse are few and damned far between. At 34, isn’t it time she started taking just a modicum of responsibility for herself? Maybe get some technical training or a few college courses under her belt? That might lead to a better paying and more interesting job. Even volunteer work is a step up from the poor me trail she is marching down. I would suggest that maybe what needs to change is her mind set. She is hardly the helpless waif she projects herself to be..and if she is…snap out of it. One is more likely to meet the man of one’s dreams if one is not sitting on their posterior whining.
Unless you are interested in dating or marrying the garbage collector or the guy that mows your grass (and there is nothing wrong with that if you do), the right man will not knock on the door any old Tuesday and sweep you off your feet. That only happens in old Doris Day movies. (and I would point out that guy was usually Rock Hudson and that is a whole other issue). Girl, forget about finding a man and start thinking about finding a life. YOURS. It is calling you now. Get going.
While it is true there are male pigs in the world that do not see you for the jewel you believe yourself to be…there are also some real gems out there. I promise. They are more likely to be attracted to a woman who is living a life she loves and has the capacity to love them too. Or not. You get to choose.
Brian said (October 30, 2011):
It’s time for men to man up. We need to fight feminism like it’s a war because it is. How do you fight? By being a man, just that. Be a man. Get a job and keep it, don’t go into debt buying toys, that is for kids. Buy or build a house for cash, don’t get tied into a mortgage. We need to be the bird that builds a nest and then calls for a mate. A home and security goes a long way when you are looking for a real woman. Security also means not being a drunk an addict or running around. If you provide a home and security your wife will feel safe enough to spend her life loving her family.
Easy credit, drugs and porn are all meant to undermine the family. All three are there to turn us into slaves. Debt, addictions and sex force women to take care of themselves instead of staying home and taking care of their family.
Ps. I don’t think I need to say who is doing their best to provide the credit, porn and drugs.
Lorna said (October 30, 2011):
All I can say is the result of feminism is that men have NO CLUE what they want. They assume you’re a ball-busting witch because you have to have a career to feed yourself, and they want to compete against you if you’re good at your job because we’ve all been brainwashed into this war against the sexes.
The divorce laws are very much against men, and pornography has made women into objects to be used and discarded. It doesn’t really matter what a woman does these days, it’s just not easy to find a good man to love. If you have no family to dedicate your life to, a girl’s gotta do something with her time, and it might as well be a career.
I went to a military academy, and even though I’m an attractive woman, I never had a single date in 4 years.
The men from there pretty much all married nannies or school teachers, and they used to say, “Cadet girls are all fat, ugly whores.”
When I got married, my husband was a fellow officer, and he used to yell at me telling me how much more important his job was than mine because he was the man(I agreed with him) and would put me down all of the time. When I’d cry, he’d tell me, “I’m just jealous of you because you’re a better leader than I was when I was your age.”
Then I had an accident that made me unable to work for 4 years, so I was a stay-at-home wife. I had always been a great cook & homemaker (even while in the Army), completely dedicated to making a good home, letting him lead, and am actually quiet & reserved at home because being in charge at work was all I could handle. I couldn’t be an officer all the time (something that made him angry, too). When I couldn’t work, I kept a beautiful house, and he resented me and used to tell me how he was “carrying me for all this time.”
Dan again said (October 30, 2011):
The christy0misty videos are great. I see she grew up on a farm. That’s why she’s in touch with reality. Our culture’s been deliberately separated from reality at every turn.. Every human transaction now has to go through an intermediary technology or middle agency at every possible turn.
My marriage wouldn’t have lasted a year if we hadn’t taken a drive with no money across the US moving from city to city to find a place we wanted to stay. It set up the dynamic of having real problems to deal with everywhere we went. We were ‘outsiders’ by default, thus we only had each other to help each other out of every jam.
Like the girl says in this video, in real situations the man will end up being the dominant one.
Dan
Dan said (October 30, 2011):
People who value a marriage and family also value “meaningful work” less than “career first” people. So called “Alpha” males and females identify themselves with status. Thus they objectify ‘partners’.
“Alpha” men and women can’t be on the same stage without trying to upstage one another.
The fact is that career driven men want to be the head of their household, and they’ve earned it. A women that’s always competing with him and never home is anathema.
The people that operate the biggest ‘internet dating’ site – eHarmony – have the benefit of knowing the real demographics statistics – not the hype told the public through media. Media hype is often the opposite of the facts because they’re in the ‘consent manufacturing’ and culture creation business.
eHarmony published this article lately – which affirms the fact that women who put careers first wonder why they’re not on the ‘A List’ of the ‘Alpha males’ they seek.
Why Successful Women Can’t Find a Great Man
http://advice.eharmony.com/dating/important-questions/why-successful-women-cant-find-a-great-man
They try to keep the women misinformed by telling them, “It’s not you. Men are just intimidated by strong women”.
No – successful men aren’t intimidated by women at all. They just find competitive women who objectify men very annoying and dump them like a bad habit.
How Professional Women Can Objectify Men (and Why Waitresses Don’t)
http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/how-professional-woman-can-objectify-men-and-why-waitresses-dont/
Jennifer said (October 30, 2011):
As a 48 year old woman, I agree with S. My experiences from college dating in the mid 80s onward have been that most men want women who can contribute financially and the more the better.
The average man will pick money over beauty. Only very wealthy men can afford a homemaker/mother but she better be beautiful and young. In my 20’s I had many opportunities to marry extremely rich older men who wanted to take care of me.
However I could not stomach the age difference.
Instead, I married a nice man, my age, who made a comfortable living as a Harvard lawyer. He loved my gourmet dinners. We divorced when I discovered that my nice husband had a double life, bankrupted us with his irresponsible spending on strippers and prostitutes.
Many of my other married girlfriends discovered the same crap. The cheating is bad enough but the financial disaster and unpaid taxes that the wife is on the hook for is the real knife to the heart. My X husband likes to whine how I “cleaned his clock” but the truth is very different. But it is convenient to hide behind me then to admit to people why he’s broke.
My next husband, a Frenchman, graduate of École des Beaux-Arts, made a nice living as an art director for a top advertising firm. We divorced when he fell into alcoholism and cocaine addiction. He would party all night and sleep all day so he also got fired. I tried everything to help him stay sober but since I made money and paid the living expenses –it was too easy for him to live off me.
My girlfriends that did not get the cheating husband got the substance addicted ones. Now on the dating scene many men tell me they they divorced because they had the flip-side -cheating or substance addicted wives or both.
Or they went for the ugly career woman when they were young and building their careers and wealth. But once they got to the top they dumped them to be with younger beautiful nurturing women. Many of these divorced men who married career women were genuinely surprised that their ball busting money making feminist wives had a difficult time transitioning into being sweet and nurturing once they got home–duh. They bought the feminist lie.
Then there are the Mikes of the world that want the free wife. The Zero-Hero-Men who have lost all their instincts to be the male provider-protector.
Chris said (October 29, 2011):
I would like to comment on your most recent article “Men prefer career women”.
I don’t believe this to be the case, men prefer women that can earn a little money to add to a family situation. Very few guys want to spend ALL there hard earned money on women, some men unfortunately do not believe in spending any money on women period.
Talking to younger guys I find there attitudes towards women worse than men my age (40’s), women have been relegated to pleasure toys.
As for the reader, I do not know her so I will not pass judgement. Sometimes we have to ALL take a hard look at ourselves and see what we have to offer a potential mate.
I would like a child (son) but I would hate for them to suffer through any divorce, therefore I am very choosy on who I date.
Mike said (October 29, 2011):
A man is much safer these days with a woman who is self sufficient. She still may choose to leave him at the first sign her every little desire isn’t fulfilled, but she’s less likely to clean his clock on the way out the door.
In fact, things are so bad that it is much safer not to get married at all. There are an abundance of women these days who will offer men sex and companionship without marriage. Then when they leave, there is no cost involved. From a risk/reward point of view, women don’t have much to offer men today. Feminism has been a complete disaster, for men as well as women.
Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at
Source Article from http://henrymakow.com/cry_of_a_non-feminist_woman.html
Men Prefer Career Women, says Homemaker
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