April 14, 2015
A reader raises her two-year-old
at home but her husband
thinks daycare is necessary to teach
the child to interact and be assertive.
What do you think?
by Sandra
(henrymakow.com)
I am writing in the hope that you can give me your advice. My husband and I have a two-year-old boy. So far, I refused to go back to work, and have stayed with my child at home, while my husband works full time and supports our family.
This is best for our child, both from my own experience (my parents pushed me into daycare system when I was a kid, and it was sheer torture for me.) I am horrified at the possibility of placing my child in such an environment and scarring him, the way I was scarred.
However, my husband, thinks if we don’t give our son to the daycare system soon, he’ll run the danger of becoming too ‘passive’, ‘unassertive’, and become a ‘target for bullies’, due to having spent his formative years exclusively at home with his parents.
My parents put me in a daycare at the age of 5, so that I “learn to socialize and be a part of a structured group.” (I was an only child, by the way, just as my son is.)
I absolutely hated the following year-and-a-half of my life – I still carry scars. I entered the elementary school and, surprisingly – loved it. It was so different and so much better than the dreaded daycare system.
My husband was sent to JK at the age of 3 and a half and hated it and was bullied through much of his school stay, from the age of three to high school graduation. He partially blames this on the fact that his parents were late to place him in the educational system. Because he started to socialize late, he never learned to be assertive and avoid/defeat/combat bullying that he was subjected to.
I absolutely dread placing my young son in this early childhood education mincing machine. On the other hand, my husband and a family friend got me paranoid and worried that if we wait for our child to enter the grade 1 at the age of 6 – he will be ill prepared to function optimally in an organized group of kids, too passive, unassertive and quiet. My son, by the way, is very perceptive, quiet and sensitive, yet very active.
In your experience as a parent, as a concerned citizen, and intelligent author, would you be able to please share your opinion on this with me, and / or direct me to some of your or others’ articles / texts that discuss this particular issue?
Do you by any chance know of any studies that deal with correlation of being bullied at school and entering the educational system later (say, at the age of 5) rather than earlier (say, at the age of 2 or 3), or studies that show the exact opposite to hold true? I am starting to do my own internet research on this, but so far not much has come up.
Thank you very much for your reply in advance.
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This was my reply; I welcome yours:
Comments for “Mother: Is Daycare Good for My Son’s Development?”
Jimmy said (April 14, 2015):
Stick to your guns!
My wife and I have a 8 year old, 2 year old (June) and infant. We are 31 and 30 respectively. Keep your children at home. We have decided to have Suzy, my wife, stay home and take care of the kids when I am gone at work and then when I get home we split the work load.
I would never want my kids to go into daycare.
It is expensive.
Kids can have positive social interactions when Mom takes them out of the house into positive play experiences, such as the park, children center, play date with family or friends.
My two year old is a social butterfly. I thank most of his developments to his mother, my wife.
If he goes into public school, he will be well equipped.
Equip yourself in the Armor of Christ and be strong!
You are doing the best thing for your son keeping him home!
Diane said (April 14, 2015):
I am a stay at home mom of three boys. When I first decided to stay home, my husband had daily rantings, but now he agrees it was the best thing.
I have a public health background and have 15 years experience. For the past three years have volunteered 10 hours a week in my kids preschool, kindergarten, etc.
In short, in my opinion, you have done the most important thing, staying home during the first two years. The third year also is tremendously important for a mom to stay home, not necessary at all for day care, but only a few times a week to have some structured playtime.
Try a mom’s playgroup co-op or small day care twice a week or so. After what I’ve seen, and I live in one of the top 10 school districts in the US, teachers can not supervise kids play enough in the 2-3 age group, unless there is a one to five teacher/kid ratio or less.
At three and a half they start needing some structure, social skills/friendship skills (sharing and caring) as well as work on separation, to get them ready for preschool in the fourth year. A co-op is a great way to go, or create your own playgroup where kids can have a snack together and some playtime and sharing. Then by four, they are ready for part or full time preschool.
I think only children do need regular contact with other children, but there are other ways to do that besides daycare. I am still friends to this day with the moms from our local coop, where my kids went during their age two and early three years.
Al Thompson said (April 14, 2015):
I had 2 sons and I avoided any day care unless my wife and I had to go somewhere. I didn’t like leaving my son anywhere with people I didn’t really know.
My wife stayed home with the boys and that was a blessing for me. I could concentrate on making money and she took care of our household. It worked great.
The real trouble comes from schools; both public and private. I see no value in any schooling as it stands today other than learning to read and write, and develop math skills. The rest of it is garbage which doesn’t prepare the young person for any kind of career. Free public education is a plank of the Communist Manifesto so it is natural that people who deploy this system of teaching are communist oriented. The school system naturally attracts psychopaths just as basketball attracts tall people. Idiocy is the product of a communist system.
I think it is best to keep the young people at home for as long as possible. I agree with Henry in that you don’t ever what them to be “socialized” in today’s environment. School is like an early prison camp that lasts 12 years for high school, and then another 4 years for college.
Day care is a plague on the children as they are put in an unloving environment. Children need to stay at home with mom or dad. This way they don’t pick up too many stupid ideas.
I used to hold the same opinion of “socialization” until I saw the horrid results. Sandra has made a very smart and intelligent decision and I don’t think she should change anything. Thank God there are still women out there who have the courage to do the right thing for their children.
Lance said (April 14, 2015):
As a father of two girls aged four and three, my wife and I send them two days a week to pre-school at our local Methodist Church. We’re lucky that my wife gave up her career to stay home and raise our girls too.
We decided to put them in so they would have interaction with other kids and it would break our hearts to drop them off five days a week from 7:30-6:00. We’ve sacrificed a lot monetarily but it’s been worth it raising good kids. It’s a big bad world out there and having my wife there with them has been priceless.
There has only been one issue with our four year old and it was a boy pushing her. My advice to her was if he did it again push back (hasn’t happened again). Thanks again for continuing with your site and exposing the bankers who are the puppet masters behind the Punch and Judy show we watch on the news every night.
AG said (April 14, 2015):
Sandra, I work as an advocate against child sexual abuse all day long. I read the cases in the news daily. Often, there are cases of day care facilities where the woman, or her boyfriend, or both, were sexually abusing the children. I watch Judge Judy on television daily (she is a phenomenal Judge, and I love the law). Her cases often involved day care workers.
I would NOT leave my child with ANY of those people. I did not go to any dare care facility as a child. Nor did most of the kids in the 1960’s and 1970’s. Who leaves their child in a dare care facility with strangers and strange children at such a young and vulnerable age?
I’m sorry, I think it is a bizarre thing to do to a child. Parents need to protect the mind and body of children that young. This is not an age to leave a small child with people who are probably very unstable, and with children who are being raised in homes where their parents are often selfish, depressed, addicted to drugs or alcohol, and who have little or no morals.
Konrad said (April 14, 2015):
I saw a video some time ago where the speaker made glowing references to a book:
MAGICAL CHILD by Joseph Chilton Pearce. It might be worth investigating.
I looked it up on a search engine and it might be one thing the lady is looking for.
Thanks Henry for helping people.!! and all the best to the concerned mother!!
Richard said (April 14, 2015):
I am a product of 8 yrs elementary education at Catholic School in NYC. The standards were very high, the education excellent, yet I was bullied mercilessly every day. This continued when I went to Public High School as I was a shy kid (probably bright high functioning Aspergers’s Syndrome) and the nuns and teachers did almost nothing to stop this behavior, as they were overwhelmed with so many other issues.
As a result I grew up to be a very law biding citizen, but carried enormous scars inside and never lived up to my life potential. I can say somewhat objectively it was because of this situation. I would have fared better with home school.
I was an introverted emotional cripple. I see the need for socialization as it is vital in later life, getting on well with your peers and working cooperatively within a team structure.
But what I went through did no teaching except fear and I don’t have an answer right off to address those necessary skills. As they say you can’t live in a vacuum. I would love to hear comments.
D said (April 14, 2015):
I have a Master’s degree in teaching. When my daughter was born, I surprised myself by refusing to send her to daycare, despite my husband’s preferences. I became convinced it would be better for her in her formative years to be loved rather than tended to, put on storage, as I was making money to fill our home with plastic toys.
We were struggling financially at that point as new immigrants from Poland. My daughter and I developed a very close bond. We talked and played, and walked to the park, and cooked together. We read books and painted pictures.
I should say my decision did not go well with my husband. Feminism got him. He was very disappointed in my (perceived) inability to appreciate progress. It would be dishonest to say that our marriage was not affected by my decision.
When my daughter was two years old, I tried to please my husband and applied for daycare. There was a wait, as it was a much sought-after place. Finally I took my daughter there for half a day. I was permitted to stay with her. It was a beautiful day in May or June, the window was open, the birds were singing, yet the children were not allowed to go outside for the most part of the day. They asked, but were told to stay indoors.
My daughter never wanted to go back. She said she hated it there – and I could not make myself to begin a brainwashing project, where I would outline before her all the wonderful things about the place. At two she spoke better Polish and English than any of her peers spoke one language.
As parents we have tremendous power to influence our children, to brainwash them. If only we could be sure that we ourselves have not been brainwashed into believing that a two year old needs to learn social skills in a daycare!
In school my daughter did extremely well. She is now a McGill graduate. Yes, she was bullied when younger, because she always stood up for bullied friends, and became a target herself. She was not easily influenced by mob mentality.
There is so much to say, for example I could tell you the story of my friends, who put their one year old in daycare, and she loved it. She cried at first, but gave up trying to convince her mom not to leave her there. She must have realized there was no point, and made the best of her new life. She is doing splendidly now at the age of three. A beautiful and intelligent girl, her language skills are not anywhere near what my daughter’s were at two, but it won’t make a difference in the future!
Marcos said (April 14, 2015):
This is a complex situation that depends basically on the quality and the time spent on daycare.
Before the kid is three, all he cares is his mother. Three seems to be the best time to start some kind of socialization. In the past, this was done by playing with neighbors and cousins from extended family. Today, there is not much option to day-care.
My kids entered day care at three and it was a very good experience for them. Particularly for the youngest, who used to be very introvert and quiet. He blossomed at day care and became a happier kid. I have no doubts that day care or kindergarten, was good for him.
However, it must be noted that: it was only a part time school, during the morning. The rest of the day he had his mother for himself. Also, it was a quality school, with loving and attentive teachers who sincerely cared for the boys and who allowed the parents wide participation and collaboration with the school. I don’t think that this is easy to find or to afford today.
I highly recommend a series of books called “My 3 Year-Old” (and 4, 5, 6, etc) by the Gesell Institute as a good practical instruction manual for the different stages in the life of a child. They were a heaven sent for us and always on the spot.
Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at
Source Article from http://henrymakow.com/2015/04/Mother-Is-Daycare-Good.html
Mother: Is Daycare Good for My Son's Development?
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